When it first occurred to me that I should be searching for Jesus, it didn’t really occur to me that something else was happening, or had already happened. And so it was that I sought Jesus. I looked for Jesus. And when I saw Jesus, it was then I noticed he was looking at me all along.
In my own ignorance of the ways of God, the divine Light of All, I thought that I would go unnoticed. It is my preference that I go unnoticed. I do much prefer to be left alone and not to be bothered with anything.
After being saturated with information, not just from the news and the media; but from my time in the Army, where I saw, felt, and heard things I wished I had not, I gradually realized I liked living un-noticed and un-preferred. I liked being alone and without being bothered about anything.
So I got rid of anything that tells me what’s happening in the world. I don’t have a television subscription and very rarely do I read the news, either in a paper or on the Internet. So I miss a lot. I don’t mind either. I do other things that I find reduces my stress in knowing the pain in the world.
I tried to get rid of God out of my life because of the pain God brings. However, Jesus, consubstantial with the Father, walks among us. Having shared our pain, he knew the best way to solve the problem of pain. The problem of pain solved on a cross evaporates with the touch of Jesus’ lips upon ours. The Holy Spirit shared with the Father enters us and washes away the stain of our pain. Only by uniting my pain to the pain of the cross, did i realize I’m not really in pain. I realized agony and despair cannot be hidden away. It can only be hoisted up high, proclaimed, and crucified; then Resurrected.
It is that red blood that stained the world from crucifixion that stained our souls and ironically washes us clean of our pain. It was that sacrifice that elevates us to see a much better place where our hearts can rest.