My LiveJournal Entries

Subject: Seminary

Security:Friends
Time: 2012 Jul 20 19:22:00
Location: United States, Virginia, Waynesboro
Well folks, I am going to the Seminary to study to be a Roman Catholic Priest. Something I’ve always felt called to do. Let’s hope I do it right this time. I start in August 2012.

Subject: I am still here.

Time: 2011 Jan 31 13:12:00
Location: United States, Virginia, Waynesboro
Came by to check in. Glad to see my account was not purged.

All is well. I feel a great need to get a job. Living off my army pension is nice; but it don’t allow much frivolous spending.

Got news that my ex-wife has breast cancer. She’s having surgery soon. Probably have to have radiation and chemo for that. Keep her in your prayers.

Been trying to get on the air with my ham radio. My antennas suck. No matter what I do, I just can’t get a decent antenna farm going. The radios are superb; however, without a decent antenna I am dead in the water. Of course, the snow on the ground affects SWR, so maybe all I need is the snow to melt.

I’ve started spiritual direction with my parish priest. Forgot how challenging that can be. On our second meeting, he asked what’s changed in the previous month. I couldn’t answer. He gave me homework: become more aware.

I feel like I am drifting into oblivion. I do plenty of things but I lack a sense of joy or accomplishment. When I was in the army, the mantra was “what have you done for me lately?” I ask myself that of my relationship with God, my community, my friends, etc, etc. What have I done for them lately? I wonder why doing things bring me no sense of completeness. I think I am doing the wrong things. I tried to come up with a bucket list to get my goal-oriented self moving again; but it didn’t work. I couldn’t come up with more than one or two things. I miss the army. I keep that to myself and I think that if I let that out perhaps I can move on with my life. It was such a big part of my life that now that it’s gone, I am empty. Devoid. But is this the reason why I feel such a profound sense of emptiness?

Divorce. I don’t talk about that much. I think some of the emptiness comes from that part of life. I hate being divorced. I still feel for my ex-wife. I haven’t moved on and I really don’t want to move on. I thing I don’t even know how to move on. I hear God telling me it’s time to move on. I reply to him that I don’t want to move on. I know I will have to move on for my own sake. Nothing will reunite us. God has a different plan for me. Part of me recognizes that unless I let go I will never be able to grab hold of something else. But is this the reason why I feel such a profound sense of emptiness?

I feel like I am plankton, adrift on a vast ocean.

 

Subject: Gym

Time: 2010 Mar 13 14:33:00
Just got back from the gym. I did 45 minutes on the stepper machine. I did some weightlifting as well.

 

Subject: I’m Back

Time: 2010 Mar 13 11:23:00
Geez, I haven’t written anything here in years. My last entry talks about my retirement. Well I retired in March 2008. I was working on an education degree, thinking I might want to become a social studies teacher. I changed my mind after getting into it. My life is already well-encumbered. I didn’t want to add to that load. So now I sit without a job. I am well able to live off my retiree pension; but it does not afford me much else besides a subsistence level of life. So I seek once again a job. I do have an interview later this week. It’s for a systems administrator job at UVA Darden school. I am sure I can do the job quite well. First hurdle is this interview. More on that later.

Other news. I got divorced. No longer married to a fiesty irish woman. Now a divorced middle-aged man. My two kids are my joy. They remind me of the life I once had.

So now my life is at a crossroad. It’s been like that for the last two years. I hate not being in the Army. It was a medical retirement so I didn’t have much choice. I would have chose to stay in. It was a great life. I am having trouble moving forward. I don’t know if it is the place where I live. It’s a small town with a small attitude and not a lot of computer jobs. My only relief is the church (St. John’s Catholic). I’ve met a lot of great people there and they are all now part of my greater family. How does one move on? I am still attached to the past. This much I know. My present is quite comfortable; but I am ill-at-ease with the comfortableness. I want a challenging job to look forward to everyday. My life in the Army was a challenge and it encouraged me to move forward.

I now seek to move forward. I forgot how cathartic livejournal could be.

 

Subject: Counting down the days.

Time: 2007 Jan 17 07:10:00
I am counting down the days to retirement. I leave Korea on 10 June 2007 to begin my retirement from the military. That’s just under 150 days. Then I’ll have almost four months off to find a job. I want a computer job. That’s for sure.

 

Subject: I ate something bad

Time: 2006 Mar 31 20:14:00
I ate something bad in this country in the last week or more. I got an intestinal congestion. I was hurting bad. Got the runs, blood and all. oh god it hurt. i was able to pass what ever it was by massaging my right sight. I thought it was a bloody app. yuck. ate a ton of salad. fiber stuff. finally i cleared it all out.

my surgery went fine too. i am up and walking. ran a mile this past week. that’s about all i could manage. my bloody cat’s been meowing all night for company no doubt.

so i limp. so glad i am over 20 yrs ad now. retire next year maybe. that’ll give me 22.

but what to do, what to do. i did get a job offer of $150K on my departure from the army. also got offered to lead a magafirm branch office in stuttgart, germany. wife don’t want to go back to germany though until the kids are done with school. that’s in another ten years. i’ll be 53 then and not interested in moving anymore.

lovely weather here in korea right now. snow has melted from the other day. still chilly though.

 

Subject: Christmas in Korea

Time: 2005 Dec 23 22:17:00
Long weekend break for Christmas. All is well. Will help out on Sunday (Christmas Day) at the Uijongbu Migrant Worker’s Center. I don’t like being separated from my family. Such is the life of a Soldier.

 

Subject: Korea

Time: 2005 Sep 17 09:52:00
OK, i am in korea, keyboard shift key is fucked. so i am not even going to try. i’ll fix this later. i’ll be here for two years. away from family and everything.

y’all have fun.

 

Subject: Army Stuff

Time: 2005 Jan 22 20:40:00
Geez, Long time since I posted anything here.

I get promoted to Chief Warrant Officer Three next week. I am PCSing to Korea in June. I’ll be in the 2nd Infantry Division. My wife and kids stay here. I’ll be there for two years. I’ll miss two years of my kids lives.

A few months back I submitted my retirement papers. It didn’t happen. I was “convinced” that it would not happen. Funny thing about things like that. I could have retired this summer when I hit 20 years active duty. Unfortunately, my retirement is not going to happen anytime soon.

Last week I finally got around to burning the audio disks of an interview I conducted with a WWII CWO. My boss was there with me. Less than a week later, she was killed in Iraq. It still shreds me. It really shreds me with the lies I hear everyday. I know Americans are not that stupid. But then how is it that we ended up with what we have now in power?

I am really amazed with the fascist religious right attacking Spongebob and Patrick for being gay. It’s a fucking cartoon. I wonder what the fuck is wrong with these people.

We went to Ireland for Christmas and New Years. It was fun to see the Irish perspective on American power. Our country has no respect in the world. Can’t much blame them. As an American in the military I am proud to have certain core values. I wish our politicians would some how obtain these same values. America’s liberty is vinegar, soured, nasty, rotten.

I am exhausted, tired, and flabbergasted.

 

Subject: Thanks to kimonthejourney!

Time: 2004 Sep 13 09:35:00
I’m worth $2,737,668.67! How much are you worth?

 

Subject: Super News

Time: 2004 Sep 12 22:18:00
I got picked up for promotion. Official word next week. All is otherwise well. Working on an assignment in DC.

Any of my friends that has a gmail invite code, please send me one. brian_chad@yahoo.com

Thanks.

 

Subject: Birthday

Time: 2004 Jul 23 11:35:00
42 years old today and I don’t believe.  Take a look at a recent army picture and say it ain’t so.  http://www.ragdad.com/usarmy.htm
whew.  it was quite an accomplishment to make it to 42.

 

Subject: Gmail Invite Code

Time: 2004 Jul 15 12:52:00
I want a gmail invite code. If you have one, please email it to me: brian_chad@yahoo.com

thanks in advance.

 

Subject: Going somewhere

Time: 2004 Jul 08 07:36:00
Looks like i might be doing a tour in the Hindu Kush!

 

Subject: Check out www.ragdad.com

Time: 2004 Jul 05 13:40:00
Yes, I am still around.

 

Subject: 59 Days

Time: 2004 May 06 08:43:00
Hope everything is well for all. All is well for me.

I have 59 days to submit retirement papers and around 338 to retire. Or I can take a promotion and stay another couple of years. Oh the choices!

After the happenings of the last week regarding the inappropriate and evil treatment of our prisoners of war, I am filled with shame. The Soldier in the US Army is trained better than that! At least I thought they were.

 

Subject: Paid Account

Time: 2004 Apr 11 19:49:00
Should I pay $25 for another year of having a Paid Account?

 

Subject: Account Expiring.

Time: 2004 Mar 23 07:38:00
Brian O’Rourke,

Your LiveJournal paid account for user “epikeia” is expiring in 10 days, at
which time it’ll revert to free account status.

If you’re still using and enjoying the site, please renew your subscription
before it runs out and help support the project. (Servers and bandwidth
don’t come free, unfortunately…)

http://www.livejournal.com/pay/

And if you have any questions or requests, feel free to ask. We want to
keep you happy. 🙂

Thanks,
LiveJournal Team

 

Subject: Slump!

Time: 2004 Feb 25 13:02:00
I have been in a slump for the past several months. I got no real understanding of things.

I don’t understand how Americans can be so mean to other nations. Our lack of respect for other nations cut to the core of our ultimate destruction. What nation will want to support a nation that uses a sham to destroy another nation? Would you trust them to be your friend?

I am somewhat shamed that my military service goes towards a nation that uses its power to coercively bully others into line (probably against their national self-interest).

I hate bullies. I imagine most of you hate bullies.

Mean people suck.

Luckily my time is almost up.

I visited another livejournaler and got inspiration. I must maintain my hope that the American people will chose honor over glory. There is no honor or glory for liars.

 

Subject: My Wife Became an American Citizinzen today!

Time: 2004 Jan 23 22:05:00
On this day, 23 January 2004, My wife, Louise Mary McEnally O’Rourke, became an American Citizen in the Western District of Virginia. After the oath and the presentation of Certificates of Naturalization, the Judge asked the newly Naturalized Citizens to provide a comment my wife: I’ve been married to an American Soldier for Fifteen Years! And today I am Proud to be an American Citizen! Everyone in the courthouse clapped. And so should we all Clap!! In America, we are free to clap for anything we want! I am an American Soldier! I serve in the Forces that guard our Country and our Way of Life! Now my Wife took an Oath to defend our Constitution even under the threat of Death to protect all of us against those who would destroy OUR Way of Life. She did it. She did it. Despite the fact she loves her Ireland. Her momma and poppa still live there. And today she bridge the gap between nations. She executed an Act of Bravery today stating under Pain of Death and Self-Sacrifice that she will give everything to protect all of our Rights to say, do, or be anything we want or need to be!
I am Proud of my Wife.  I am Proud of the Woman who explicitely accepts me unto her.  I am Proud of the WOMAN who became an AMERICAN today!!
Now I ask all of you who are truly American to ponder upon the meaning of freedom and liberty and to thank our Lord and Saviour who brings Ultimate Freedom to All of Us
to pray for those who do not not have freedom and liberty to ultimately receive Freedom and Liberty.
Yes Our Nation has chosen to take upon Herself a Conflict which may not Best represent our Individual Love of Freedom and Liberty;  BUT she has chosen to take upon herself a Duty beyond herself.
As should all of us.  Not one of us is an Island.  Not one of us can do anything properly without the assistance of another.
Therefore, I ask each one of you to consider the Needs of Someone other than yourself for the Promises of America
American promises much.  But America can promise only as much as We are willing to give.
And we as Americans can give much.
We can give Our Lives.
We Will Give Our Lives.
We will give our lives because
Your lives mean so much to U.S.

 

Subject: Wondering . . .

Time: 2004 Jan 19 19:07:00
what it means to be satisfied.

Anyone have any ideas?

What makes a person satisfied with one’s life?

 

Subject: Upgrade Again

Time: 2003 Dec 13 17:52:00
I upgraded to Amateur Extra this morning. Made contacts in the USVI, Puerto Rico, California, Washington State, Arizona, Colorado, and Illinois. I was chasing Aruba but she could not hear me. It was 59+ for me to hear her. Bummer. Would have been a good QSL.

 

Subject: Upgrade

Time: 2003 Dec 07 06:50:00
Yesterday I upgraded my FCC Amateur Radio License to General. I took the Morse Code test and passed. I then took the General Class written test and passed. I attempted the Exra Class test, but by then my brain was fried.

I had my first HF contact with a guy (Denny Dewing/N0HWQ) in Minnesota. There was a lot of QRM so I could hear him in and out of the noise.

I am TDY once again. I was in DC last week. This week’s trip is for my pre-retirement conference (called Transition Assistance Program). I have to learn how things are done in the civilian realm. My completion of 20 years service in the military is looming. I haven’t decided whether to get out or not. I also have a promotion coming up. If I take that then I get to stay in another two years and possible have to move out of Charlottesville. About the only way I’ll take is with a guarantee to stay here. We will have to see what happens.

 

Subject: Arlington National Cemetary

Time: 2003 Nov 13 18:10:00
For those of you who watched the news and saw that an American helicopter had been shot down. MG Romig was the two star general in the other helicopter. Tomorrow I go to ANC for the burial of SGM Gilmore. On Monday, it will be for CW5 Swartworth. My heart is broken in two. Words fall short of losing comrades such as these. I am proud to be in the US Army and even more proud of these great soldiers who have died so that we all may be free.

Sharon was my boss. We were quite close and traveled together quite a few times for JAGC business. Last week we were in Atlanta interviewing a WWII JAG Warrant Officer. I recorded the interview and it is the next to the last evidence of her love of the JAGC, the Army and our Great Country. I will miss her and SGM Gilmore. SGM Gilmore and I were both Law Center NCOICs in Germany. He was selected for promotion and became my boss for a short period of time. They were super people, Super Soldiers. Great Americans. Thanks for your kind regard and please pray for the repose of their souls.

Brian O’Rourke, Chief Warrant Officer, US Army.

—-Original Message—–
From: Romig, Thomas J MG OTJAG
Sent: 11/8/2003 2:02 PM
Subject: Bereavement Notice – CW5 Swartworth/SGM Gilmore

Members of the JAG Regiment:

It is with deep regret and a heavy heart that I inform you of the deaths
of the Warrant Officer of the Corps, CW5 Sharon Swartworth, and the
Sergeant Major of the Corps, SGM Cornell Gilmore. On 7 November 2003,
CW5 Swartworth and SGM Gilmore died when the helicopter they were riding
in was struck by enemy fire.

CW5 Swartworth and SGM Gilmore were accompanying me on my Article 6
visit to Iraq. They were doing what they loved most — meeting with the
soldiers of our Corps.

Information regarding funeral arrangements will be forthcoming.

Please keep the Swartworth and Gilmore families in your prayers.

V/R

Thomas J. Romig
Major General, USA
The Judge Advocate General

 

Subject: New Orleans Post Script

Time: 2003 Oct 23 18:33:00
I really don’t know what to think about our relationship. I know we have one. I just can’t put my finger on the type that it is. I feel that you not being my friend would be wrong. But whenever we get together, we clash. From my point of view, we clash, because it is my perception that you don’t listen to me or that you assume something about me. For instance, my last day in NOLA, you assumed that I would be upset about you having to leave me alone at your apartment. That would not upset me. What upset me was that you did not come straight out and tell me “Brian, I have to go to dinner for the priest, but I can’t take you with me for whatever reason.” (or words to that effect). My perception was that you were trying to deceive me. I feel that even to the end that you could give a flying rat’s butt whether I left or didn’t left. It really hurt me when you let me/you/us down.

I know I have lost my original naive sense of innocence. I dread that loss and I feel its absence. There is a darkness surrounding me like a shroud and I can’t shake it.

I need friends who understand that. I need my friends who knew me when. You knew me when. I know I can be a bastard. I get hurt easy with my supersensitivity. I get hurt because I fear being intimate with anyone.

I fear I am tainted by my employer. You know I have always felt that. My time is almost up. But I am not happy about that. I feel God tugging my inmost being. I am resisting Him. Much like the resistance you receive when you pull on me.

I am in the midst of a spiritual battle. Goodness and Evil are on both sides of me. Both cooing to me in the most gentle voices. Both give me pleasure. In this pleasure, I am blinded and in need of guidance.

Please forgive me. Call me and tell me how much you love me.

 

Subject: Sex

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Oct 22 18:05:00
I am so horny.
I just want sex all the time.
What’s up with that?
I wake up with a boner
that just won’t stop.
It’s like so friggin hard
it’s about to pop.

 

Subject: Revelation

Time: 2003 Oct 22 17:59:00
Original innocence.

I am in school now to learn patience and kindness. I dare myself to be kind despite my inate desire to kick stupid people (Republicans and other fascists not included). I don’t play golf or bowl with my co-workers. I got a hassle from a co-worker about that. Why don’t I? Because I don’t like hanging around with warmongers. War is evil.

 

Subject: Back from Boston

Time: 2003 Oct 18 10:16:00
I am back from a conference in Boston. Boston is a nice town. Really busy and totally chaotic. Flying into and out of Logan is not pleasant. Flying into and out of Philadelphia is not pleasant. Pittsburgh was ok.

I really don’t like flying. Especially when surrounded by a lot of people. However, when I am sitting next to someone who’s a conversationalist; it is nice. There are some really interesting people on the planes. Then there are the ‘princesses.’ Those are the ones that whine about everything. I want to tell them ‘sit down and shut up.’ But of course that would make it worse. An older lady sitting next to me was like rolling her eyes everytime Princess Sitting Behind Me whined. I was thinking of my long suffering and tolerant wife as this whiner whined. When placed side by side, a high maintenance person and low maintenance person are quite obvious.

I think of my own personality traits. I think I am somewhat low maintenance. I like minding my own business. I like shrinking into my own bubble of self-protection. I do love engaging other people though when I get annoyed. I become catlike and begin my hunt. Of course, malice has nothing to do with it. It’s only the hunt that is worthwhile.

Also while I was at the conference I got a job offer from Lockheed-Martin. I told them I would not leave Charlottesville. They told me that it didn’t matter. They have offices all over the place. But then do I really want to work in the defense industry after doing it for 20 years? Yeah, I guess I would if it were a decent job. I told the lady I can’t do much. But I do have a sense of humor. That’s probably the only reason they would hire me (that and my terrific sense of planning, engineering and good looks help).

 

Subject: Saturday afternoon

Time: 2003 Oct 04 17:29:00
I installed my mobile ham radio (2m) in the car. Need to get a faceplate to finish it off.

Technology is cool. Too bad the world is in a state of chaos. Chaos might encourage a need to excel. Chaos might require a need to kick someone’s ass.

Chaos requires creativity. Chaos requires beautiful minds to see the razor blade dancing dangerously close to doom. The razor blade dance requires order. It requires a sense of purpose and design.

Technology is nothing compared to our living and breathing selves. Life is technology. I feel my heart beating. I feel my muscles move whenever I move.

When my wife comes up to me and touches my chest, I feel the glorious technology at work. When my little girl comes and asks me, “where is the Avril Lavigne CD?” I know that all that we try to do is nothing compared to the ultimate technology.

My wishes: Ban hate, ban war, ban anything that’s evil. My country, our country; I wish would take on a mantle of humility and throw itself at the feet of God, begging forgiveness for our vanity in thinking xenophobic and other hateful thoughts.

There is no glory in war. My friends and my country’s enemies die. Required reading for future leaders of our nation and the world: everything i learned, i learned in kindergarten.

 

Subject: Beginnings.

Time: 2003 Oct 04 11:15:00
While angels know and enjoy
the Singlemindedness of God;
they quake in fear at
the multimindedness of man.

cat and dog
had a fight

snarling at each other

cat wins
she has claws
dog loses
she has naught

 

Subject: Stuff

Time: 2003 Sep 27 19:42:00
I attended my pre-separation brief on Wednesday. I am so glad my time to retire is nie upon me. I am quite excited and worried. Yea, the cushion of the pension alleviates some worry. My wife really wants to work. That’s a good thing. So I think we’ll be fine.

What sort of job will I do after I retire? I completed an interest inventory. My interests pair up quite well with teaching at the elementary, secondary, and university level. Other jobs include computer security and landscape architecture.

I got a headhunter agency that specializes with placing military folks. I think if I work for the government, it will probably be in the d@fen$e industry (snicker). Of course, I’ve had enough of the d@fen$e industry. Who knows though. I’ve already established the fact that I am a slut for money by being in the A$my. I think teaching will be it. I think the schools need more leftist socialist teachers.

I am actively engage in upgrading my radio license. I got a really cool radio a couple of weeks ago. It’s an ICOM 746PRO. It kicks. I got a long wire antenna with an antenna tuner. I am picking up signals out the yang. I love radio stuff. I love the magic of electricity.

OK, gonna go. 73.

 

Subject: Survived Hurricane

Time: 2003 Sep 19 14:52:00
No big issues for us. Most of Charlottesville without power. We have power. Cable is out. Glad it’s over.

 

Subject: Busch Gardens

Time: 2003 Sep 06 08:24:00
Off to Busch Gardens/Williamsburg. Have fun and get some history. See ya.

 

Subject: God is not omnipotent.

Time: 2003 Sep 03 21:34:00
There is one thing God has no control over what so ever. That is our free will. That’s how much God loves us. Enough to divest him/her self of power. Cool huh?

 

Subject: Morse Code

Time: 2003 Sep 03 21:31:00
I am working on my morse code. I want to upgrade my license to Extra. That’s two tests and code speed of at least five words a minute. I am going to do it before my next series of grad courses in December. After that then I can justify getting an HF rig. Will have to get a stealthy antenna, probably will be just a wire and an antenna tuner out back. Alinco has an antenna that can go into the attic. Of course the PRB requires my homeowners association to accommodate me. We’ll see though. Gotta upgrade first.

 

Subject: Dean for America Meetup

Time: 2003 Sep 03 21:29:00
I just got back from my first Dean for America Meetup at the Mudhouse. It was really cool to see the folks who are already to vote for Dean to be the next President of our Great Land!

I got some bumper stickers, pins and posters. Check out his website. www.deanforamerica.com

 

Subject: Lessons Learned – My Trip to New Orleans

Security:private
Time: 2003 Aug 27 21:57:00
This is an edited version of my trip to New Orleans (NOLA) that I wrote after midnight in the New Orleans Airport.

First of all, I left NOLA early. I was sick and tired of this person’s, who is suppose to be a friend, bullshit. I arrived Friday afternoon, dropped my stuff off, hung out at his apartment, then went to Santa Fe restaurant in the Marigny District (right next to the French Quarter). Had a good dinner, got a half-liter of Margarita’s. Got buzzed. They make the best drinks there. Later we went to the bookstore and music store in the Quarter. After that we went to a couple of the clubs we like to frequent. It was interesting to say the least. Unfortunately, the Quarter was a mess and stank like crap. It turned me off. I did not drink anything else after the Margaritas so I was quite sober walking back to the car. I saw all the nasty drunks and that turned me off even more.
<lj-cut>
Anyway went back to my friend’s apartment. He had a futon for me to sleep on. He had an old sheet on it and no pillows. I asked how long the sheet had been there and he said several weeks. He did not make a move to give me fresh sheets or even a pillow after I asked. He completely ignored me.

The next morning (Saturday), I woke up thinking I can’t do this for another 12 days. Several times during the ensuing days I voiced my issues about things I’ll like to do.

I asked before I booked the flight whether he’ll be able to take time away from work. He declared he would. The point here is that anytime he is with me, I am like baggage. The last time he came to visit me while I was in DC for a course; it was spent driving him around visiting all of his friends. By the end of that weekend I was pissed off and glad to see him fucking go. Of course, he is my friend and I forgave him. (silly me.)

This past trip was the same thing. He spent his time talking to everyone else. The only time he really talked to me was when he was in the car driving me to see his workplace, etc, etc.

On Monday we spent almost the entire day at this workplace. Somehow I got co-opted into doing computer work for his church, working on electronics, ensuring their TVs and DVDs would work etc, etc. OK, so then there was a luncheon for the very person I was helping and my friend said I couldn’t go to the luncheon. I went running in Audubon Park instead. When I got back, I showered and was working again on their computer issues. Of course, I fixed them.

We finally left at 4pm or so. I am in the car and asked, “ok, where are we going to eat? and Are you hungry?” The reply was “I am not hungry at all. I’ll take you somewhere to eat?” I like breakfast food so I asked about an IHOP. He did not know where one was in NOLA (he’s been there for ten years) and then suggested Denny’s. I said that’s great. I also said that I am willing to wait to eat until he was hungry. I was hungry because I had not eaten since breakfast at around 9am or so. I also had a long run (4 loops in the park). He then said that he had something to do at 6pm. He was not even going to tell me what it was!! I pushed him and then he said he was going out to dinner (a nice Sushi place) for this person who I had helped earlier. It just fucking infuriated me because he was going to let me eat at Denny’s and then leave me in his fucking apartment not knowing that he had gone to the Sushi place. That was the time when I realized he was not a friend, but a flake of the first order. On the way back to the house, I formulated my plan to depart as quickly as I could.

After he left the apartment (with me still unfed!), I called my wife and told her what was happening and that I might be coming home earlier. She calmed me down (like she is the only one who knows the magic words to soothe this raging beast of a man). I thought I was just going to relax and attempt to sit it out until my actual departure date of 3 Sep.

While I was on the phone, his landlord came down. He waited until I got done talking to my wife. He said that my friend was trying to call. I vented with the landlord. He is a nice guy.

Sure enough as soon as I hung up the phone, another one of his friends was on the phone looking for him. I said he was not around. This person asked that I tell him that he had called. My friend (for lack of a better less-descriptive word) called and stated he got permission for me to come to the restaurant. I declined. It was almost seven o’clock by that time. My rage subsided to a firm resolve of considering departure. I called the emergency number for military travelers and was told I could go ahead and call Delta to arrange departure. I considered my options and chose to wait just a little longer. I did not want to be too rash.

He came home. I told him that his friend called. He called a couple of other people and his friend. He was on the phone for about an hour making plans for the weekend, entirely forgetting I was there. Sometime during all this he asked what I would have done in a manner insinuating that I would have done the same to him as he had done to me. I said I would have brought you along, with permission or without permission. I am the sort of person that gets forgiveness, not permissions. He refused to acknowledge his attempt to deceive me. It was all my fault. All he had to do was be honest at the get go, something like this “hey Brian, this lady is buying me and this other person dinner. Unfortunately, I don’t have the fucking balls to ask her if it is ok if you come along. I am just gonna hope you don’t figure it out. I’ll just let you eat at Denny’s, drop you off at my shit-infested apartment that hasn’t been cleaned in ten years, come back later and just pretend you didn’t miss anything.” I changed my mind about staying.

After a while, I picked the phone up to call Delta to change my departure flight. He yelled at me telling me that was his phone and that I could not use it. I thought ‘ok’, put the phone down, and started packing. He asked what I was doing. I didn’t say anything. I packed everything up and he stood by the door blocking my exit. I told him that if he didn’t move I would start screaming for help. At this point, I felt threatened. He has hit me in the past and he would probably do it again. He is almost a half a foot bigger than me and about 30 pounds heavier. He moved and I wheeled my luggage out the fucking door. He asked where I was going. At that point, I ignored him.

I went up to the landlord’s place and rung the bell. He said if I needed to do so I could come up there. He did not answer the door. It appears that he had gone to bed. It was around 930pm. I just sat there on the front porch broken. I asked God for a direction. I am a survivor of many hardships and this one was no different. I could not really walk to the airport. It was a long ways away. There were no phones around. The landlord was in bed. Finally, after about an hour and a half of sitting in the mosquito-infested climate, I stiffened myself, went back to my friend’s place, and demanded a ride to the airport. He didn’t even try to argue or apologize. He just came out after about ten minutes with me waiting at his car and drove me to the airport. Not a single word was uttered. He said goodbye and left. I just left.

I went inside and called the airlines. They changed my flight back to home to the next flight out which was at 5am. At that time it was about six hours to go. It cost me only $100 to change my flight.

I sat in the airport. Contemplating. Trying to go to sleep. Trying to read. Since I was in survival mode, I couldn’t do anything. Reading or sleeping did not come to me. I just waited and waited. I got myself a diet coke and drank that as well. My heart and mind was racing with the keen sense that something profound had happened. I realized what friendship meant and that my friend was in Charlottesville, VA, hundreds of miles away.

Finally, the airline counter opened. I got my boarding cards and got on the plane. I slept on the plane to Atlanta. I slept on the plane to Richmond. I did not sleep in the car driving back to Charlottesville. I got home. Surprised my wife. Vented, etc. etc. We went and celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary at Casella’s, an Italian eatery in the Barrack’s Road Shopping Complex. We also went to the bookstore and got some books for the kids (which I was suppose to do in NOLA, but couldn’t). We went home and I went to bed for a nap. At that point, I had 2 1/2 hours of sleep in the last 26 hours. My wife got me up at 6pm.

Anyway, what lessons did I learn from this meaningful trip?

1. Never make a jealous, possessive, obsessive faggot (to my gay friends here – I know you guys are not jealous, possessive, obsessive faggots) your best friend. It is for such terrible and immature types, not about friendship, but about a desire that can never be fulfilled.

2. Trust your wife’s opinion with what she thinks of people. Usually women know these things without really knowing why.

3. Always have a backup plan just in case something bad does happen and you gotta get out of somewhere fast.

4. When you talk to the airlines about changing tickets and they say something like “oh, you must be having fun in New Orleans!” Tell them the truth. They will probably not charge you too much to change your tickets.

5. There are other things I learned but they are intensely personal and are in my written journal.

6. Finally, trust God with your entire heart and soul and God will deliver you from the snare of the enemy. God took care of me that night and brought me home, safe and sound, to my wife and kids.
</lj-cut>

 

Subject: Our 14th Wedding Aniversary

Time: 2003 Aug 27 21:54:00
Forgot to mention it, but yesterday was our 14th wedding aniversary. I got my wife 14 red roses. A stuffed bear (my wife loves stuffed bears) was attached to the vase. A balloon with “Happy Aniversary” came along with it. My wife told me she cried when they were delivered. I am such a sweet husband (sometimes).

 

Subject: The Planet Mars

Time: 2003 Aug 27 21:23:00
It’s cloudy outside.
Can’t see the Red Giant.
60K years to wait my son says to me.
He can’t wait that long.

I tell him yes you can, cure death.
Then you can see it.

He questions me, “How can I do that?”
I tell him do good in science, math, and technology.

He tells me he is as good as it gets.

I know he’ll find a cure for death and
that we’ll see our Red Sister in 60K years.

 

Subject: Cell Phone

Time: 2003 Aug 27 15:41:00
My wife and I got a family plan cell phone. Yea! Unfortunately my cell phone calls to my illicit friends will show up on the family plan listing. Bummer.

Snicker. I wrote this because my wife actually reads this to see what I am up to.

When she reads this she’ll snicker too as she hides my cell phone from me.

 

Subject: Cost of War in Iraq

Time: 2003 Aug 26 20:57:00
Almost 71 Billion Dollars.

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.”

President Dwight D. Eisenhower
April 16, 1953

 

Subject: New Orleans

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Aug 25 10:58:00
I am here. Not having much fun. Maybe it’s the company that I am keeping. I am with my friend. Known him for over 20 years. Unfortunately, we are different. I don’t really like hanging around him.

Anyone with this sort of issue? It’s like get out of my space. I am different now. Of course, my wife and kids miss me. I miss them. I want to go home.

Silly me.

 

Subject: An old email.

Security:private
Time: 2001 Aug 06 17:56:00
6 August 2001

You have received this email because I value your support of me through the years. If you are a family member, then stand accused and be reconciled.

We have returned from our trip to the states to visit family. I am writing this so as to tell my side of the story because I am absolutely positively sure that both mom and pop will malign me, Louise, and even say bad things about my young children.

My wife and children had not seen them since our last trip in 1996. I was last there in 1998. Upon our arrival, my mom was genuinely excited to see us and acted so. Dad was completely alien. He seemed bothered that we were there. Nevertheless, I attempted to have as much fun as I could by lightening the heavy atmosphere in the house as much as I could. Despite that, dad continued to act like an alien asshole.

Since we did not feel welcomed at all, Louise and I both felt we should go ahead and get out of the house. We went to New Orleans and later Panama City. While in Panama City, we decided to return to our home in Germany.

The alleged precipitated event that supposedly shattered the “peace” of the O’Rourke house was my genuinely humorous gift of a plaque that states “One Beautiful Person & One Old Goat Live Here.” Upon presentation of the gift, Dad called me a smart ass. As Louise, my children and I went over to my brother Jim’s house, Dad said don’t let the door hit you on your way out. Upon our return to the family house, we saw the plaque on the bed. The next morning Mom demanded an apology be given to Dad because he was hurt by the gift. I told mom that dad should get a sense of humor and grow up. That was the end of the conversation. Dad sulked for the time we were there.

Dad ignored me and even refused to be a man and directly confront me with what was really bothering him. He acted in the passive-aggressive manner for which he is known by not engaging in conversation and going so far as to ignore my wife and children. I knew I had to leave at that point because I no longer trusted in whether he really cared for me as his son. I knew he was deranged when he started acting in a negative manner towards my wife and children. He compounded the problem by forcing mom into talking to me.

You might wonder why we had not come home to Mobile sooner. The reasons are vast. One was of course the tremendous amount of physical, mental, and sexual abuse done to Lisa, Terry, Ellen and myself by uncles, Mr. Snow, and of course the biggest coward of them all, Mark, the oldest brother. I am extremely un-proud of my parent’s reaction when I first broke the story in 1992. Instead of doing the right thing and confronting the perpetrators, they wanted to hush it up. At that time I decided that in order to protect my wife and child at that point was to not let them be left alone with them. They failed to protect us as children and I did not, nor do not trust them to take care of my own. In addition, I was accused of doing things that I did not do. Mark, who was an older teenager, forced us all to do sexual things against our wills. Mark who was dishonorably discharged from the air force is treated as a hero by mom and dad. How could I ever want to go home to visit the perpetrators?

The only evidence one really needs to know that something terrible happened to Lisa, Terry, Ellen and myself is that Lisa is so psychologically screwed up, Terry killed himself, Ellen suffers from so many psychosomatic illnesses due to her not truly seeking help to name the demons that haunt her. Even now one of her daughters is acting out with behaviors indicating significant mental, physical, and sexual abuse. Instead of doing the right thing, they call that child names. While I was there I heard mom tell Ellen that she was evil and a witch. The same sort of language directed to us while we were still children. I felt so bad for my niece. I know the true story and no one is there to help them. I recall the names used against me by my own mother while I was a child. I was so glad to leave home. It took me until the age of 22 to know I would never be safe until I left. It is only now that I truly know they are not well themselves.

Out of loyalty to family, I have kept silent. I am no longer silent, for these children have children, and these children, and the children of these children will be abused as well.

I know I will be discounted by a good portion of my family. All I can say is look at Lisa and the pain she suffers. Look at Terry and the way he ended his pain. Look at Ellen and her pain. Look at the children of us all. Protect your children from situation that has given rise to my early departure from Mobile. And myself, despite a very successful military career, has to be medicated and seek professional help for the damage I still suffer from. Needless to say I think I am on the path to healing. I want my brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and their children to be healed. And believe me I know I am not the perfect son. This is one of the lies that will be used against me. I acknowledge my own weaknesses. And of course beg apologies for what ever harm I may have ever done to anyone.

Be at peace and know that in talking about this evil done to us, we can only get better.

Brian.

 

Subject: Florida

Time: 2003 Aug 20 13:00:00
I am in South Florida. It’s raining right now.

Sunday I swam in the gulf for a couple of hours. The current was strong. The muscles in my shoulders are aching.

I took some digital photos of the clouds, sun, sky and beach and will post when I get back home. Friday I go to New Orleans.

The conference is going well. So many people too. It really makes my introspective nature go crazy. So I find myself wanting to hide somewhere quiet.

OK my friends be at peace. Let’s also hope this idiocy in the world goes away.

One cannot obtain true peace at the point of a sword. We get all indignant when a act of war occurs in a war environment. Duh! Let there be peace and let it begin with me.

b.

 

Subject: Going Away

Time: 2003 Aug 15 19:42:00
I’ll be gone for awhile. I’ll be back in early September. I’ll be checking my email when I can. Boca Raton then on to New Orleans. Check out my website, I changed some of the more depressing features and added some photos.

See ya!

b.

 

Subject: Friends

Time: 2003 Aug 14 23:19:00
I also discovered ban_set. I figure that if someone un-friends me because I haven’t commented in their journal about something they said, then I will ban_set them. I don’t won’t them poking around in my business. How can anyone go around and comment in someone’s journal in their friends list? Does it not exponentiate with time and number of friends?

Yea, it’s immature. But if a person un-friends you after being your friend, then why would you want them in your life after that? Yes, I know this is just a journal, but it is my journal.

If I deleted all my friends because they haven’t commented in my journal to the silly things I have said, I would be left with only three or four people on my list. OK, maybe only one or two. And please don’t ban_set me! Please.

 

Subject: Grad Course

Time: 2003 Aug 13 20:23:00
Got an A. 4.0 average so far. One class not graded. Two to go for Masters.

 

Subject: Islam

Time: 2003 Aug 13 20:18:00
Today we had briefing on Islam. The briefer had no clue what he was talking about. I corrected him of course. Instead of teaching “Fundamentals of Islam,” he was teaching “A Fundamentalist’s View of Islam. He had the audacity to claim Christianity is a loving true religion to a bunch of government lawyers. Not a briefing, but a preaching. America is a victim, right? No, not at all. The reason the world hates us so is because we have them cornered like a rat and the rat is fighting back.

US Americans should begin to accept humility with the blessings our alleged loving Father gave us. Instead everything we do reeks of economic expansionism and colonialism. I sure hope that when it is our turn to go the way of Rome, that our invaders have more mercy on us, then what we have had on them.

 

Subject: Creativity

Time: 2003 Aug 11 14:22:00
Questions do not necessarily indicate contention or rebellion. Questions promote understanding. Answering questions requires maturity in the process. I see in my mind a construct where there exists at the edge of the earth a mighty raging ocean of chaos. This chaotic entity beats constantly on rocks, crushing them until a beach is formed. This beach is where we sit, stand, or recline pondering our futures. Without chaos lurking at the edge of order, there is no creativity, no growth. Sitting still in one place will ensure our death as an institution as the chaotic entity pounds us and makes us into a beach providing a place for others to sit, stand, or recline pondering their futures.

 

Subject: School’s Out for the Summer

Time: 2003 Aug 11 10:46:00
I finished my last several papers and final exam for my grad courses. I mailed the papers and final to my teacher.

I am also content because the last two classes I need to finish my Masters are not currently offered. I have to specially request them (which I did BTW). So I have several months of mindless activity in which to indulge myself. Activities like playing my MUD (Temporal Rift), reading and programming, staring idly at my computer, and hiking on Saturdays. Yea!

I redid my website last night. Someone (my good friend assertiveangel) mentioned the old color scheme screamed of a rat on an acid-crack combo. She should know that it isn’t a rat, it’s a brian on an acid-crack combo.

I also discovered my max for working full time, being a daddy, and taking four grad courses in one season. It nearly drove me crazy. It was almost as bad as when I was a Recruiter for the Army. Those were 20 hour days (for only 6 days out of the week – seriously!).

See ya.

 

Subject: I am better and more beautiful than you.

Time: 2003 Aug 10 12:34:00
Do y’all ever get the attitude from some folks that they are better and more beautiful than you? I conducted an experiment on a community called ‘truly beautiful.’ I answered the questions and posted. The responses I got on my answers were vapid. Several in particular were quite silly. For instance, “your answers were too short.”

Here are some of my answers:

Opinions–
Capital Punishment: Absolutely Against State Sanctioned Murder.
Abortion: Against
Premarital Sex: Guilty as Charged.
Tabacco: Don’t Smoke. OK for others if done considerately.
Religion: Religion is man-made. Faith is a gift from God.
Love at First Sight: Why of course! Isn’t that the best way to find a lover?
The Homeless: Come live with me.

The essential answer to any vote on beauty or intelligence is not that you are beautiful or intelligent or that your beauty or intelligence is even relevant to how the universe works itself out through you. The essential answer is that you are loving and kind to other people. No snobbery or conceit will earn you a higher place in a universe where the earthworm or the platypus reign supreme.

 

Security:private
Time: 2003 Aug 09 15:01:00
WildBobcat (epikeia) wrote in truly_beautiful,
@ 2003-08-08 22:47:00

Me.
Name: Brian O’Rourke
Age: 41
Sex: Male

Favorites–
Color: Black, Blue, Bright colors that capture the Golden Glory of the Sun
Food: Poptarts (toasted)
Animal: Cat, rats, hamsters.
Music: John Denver, Cat Stevens, ELO, (ok, so I am 41).
Movies: My Own Private Idaho, The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, Hackers,

Opinions–
Capital Punishment: Absolutely Against State Sanctioned Murder.

Abortion: Against

Premarital Sex: Guilty as Charged.

Tabacco: Don’t Smoke. OK for others if done considerately.

Religion: Religion is man-made. Faith is a gift from God.

Love at First Sight: Why of course! Isn’t that the best way to find a lover?

The Homeless: Come live with me.

Essay–

What are two things you cannot stand?
I don’t like mean people. I also don’t like Fascists in the American government.

What do you think of people, in general?
I get a rush from being around people. I love watching faces and conversations. I love watching the interactions.

What makes you beautiful inside and out?
The awe I have of the universe creating itself in us.

——————————————————————————–

(Post a new comment)

boyslayer757
2003-08-08 20:34 (link) Select
“Religion: Religion is man-made. Faith is a gift from God”

Like that.

Yep.
(Reply to this)

trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 20:41 (link) Select
Fine then, the Quality didn’t appeal to me

But this is just my opinion, don’t get offended my friend

Also, if you didn’t expand on your answers, it just seems like you don’t really want to join, and I can’t really see your views on things 🙂
(Reply to this) (Thread)

The fact of the matter is . . .
epikeia
2003-08-08 20:44 (link) Select
I don’t need you to be beautiful. I don’t need to be accepted to be beautiful. Long answers don’t necessarily indicate beauty, only verbosity.
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 21:20 (link) Select
I don’t need you to be beautiful. I don’t need to be accepted to be beautiful.

But that has nothing to do with anything

Don’t get offended if I say no my dear, and it’s not like I was rude about it
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 21:21 (link) Select
Long answers don’t necessarily indicate beauty, only verbosity.
I never said they indicated beauty, just that it seemed like you didn’t try

don’t get upset, that’s just how I feel
(Reply to this) (Parent)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
epikeia
2003-08-08 21:23 (link) Select
I’m not offended. I think someone has issues though. I hope you can find help.
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 21:52 (link) Select
And tell me how do I have “issues”

And by the way, I am getting “help”, thanks for getting in my personal life.

You don’t even know me and you’re telling me I have issues because I said no, and I feel like you didn’t try. I have a right to say no if I want and I did

And can you please not reply back, I have alot of stuff going on and I don’t want deal with this and I don’t want to be hearing I have issues from a guy I don’t know. My therapist can tell me that, not you

-Good day to you
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
epikeia
2003-08-08 21:54 (link) Select
Snicker. Funny girl.

I’ll stop when you do! 😉
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 22:06 (link) Select
I never will *evil laugh*

Actually this is going to be the last one for moi
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: The fact of the matter is . . .
epikeia
2003-08-08 22:12 (link) Select
OK, bed time for me. nice making your acquantance. Enchantee de votre faire connaissance!
(Reply to this) (Parent)

m3ow
2003-08-08 22:27 (link) Select
Short and to the point is always nice!! You don’t gotta dig through all the bull shit! :]
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-08 22:36 (link) Select
I <3 the bullshit
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

m3ow
2003-08-08 22:39 (link) Select
Yeah but when it’s the same bull shit from 10 different people I myself need a bull shit filter!
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trailerprkbarbi
2003-08-09 01:44 (link) Select
Lol ;-D
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

m3ow
2003-08-09 04:31 (link) Select
:]
(Reply to this) (Parent)

fozzie_bear
2003-08-08 20:51 (link) Select
Long answers don’t necessarily indicate beauty, only verbosity.

I love watching faces and conversations. I love watching the interactions.

definitely YES!

(Reply to this)

crystalizdtears
2003-08-08 21:13 (link) Select
yes, because your 41 and still beautiful
(Reply to this)

epcdnr
2003-08-08 21:19 (link) Select
yes
(Reply to this)

_peanut
2003-08-08 21:40 (link) Select
good short answers can mean more than worthless long answers (it means you don’t babble). so i give you a yesss!
(Reply to this) (Thread)

Yea, I am an old Fart
epikeia
2003-08-08 21:41 (link) Select
and I don’t Babble! Yea!
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Yea, I am an old Fart
_peanut
2003-08-09 07:23 (link) Select
good good 🙂
(Reply to this) (Parent)

ignatia
2003-08-08 21:48 (link) Select
aww, i like your homeless answer 🙂 and a lot of your other answers, especially the last essay

though, don’t agree with you on love at first sight o_O;;

but

yes
(Reply to this) (Thread)

You don’t believe in love at first sight?
epikeia
2003-08-08 21:51 (link) Select
Oh!
(Reply to this) (Parent)

youstupidfuck
2003-08-08 21:57 (link) Select
I get a rush from being around people. I love watching faces and conversations. I love watching the interactions.

i like that too

yes
(Reply to this)

never_like_this
2003-08-08 22:12 (link) Select
Hard one, but I’m going to say yes because you seem like a nice guy 🙂
(Reply to this)

m3ow
2003-08-08 22:32 (link) Select
I also don’t like Fascists in the American government.

My Dad always complaining about the fascists!

I get a rush from being around people. I love watching faces and conversations. I love watching the interactions.

I like to watch people too. You can tell a lot from a person from just sitting back and watching them interact with other people.

Wee

 

Time: 2003 Aug 09 12:10:00

epikeia
LJ Barcode
LJ username: 

 

Subject: Almost done.

Time: 2003 Aug 08 22:17:00
I am almost done with my grad course work.

I’ll be so glad. I then get a break for a couple of months.

Whew!

 

Subject: Howard Dean for President

Time: 2003 Aug 08 22:15:00
Democrat that I am consider him a potentially good choice for President of the United States. He seems like a truthful man.

What about y’all?

www.deanforamerica.com

 

Subject: Counting Down

Time: 2003 Aug 06 22:14:00
One year, 11 months. Submit retirement papers 11 months from now. Yea!!! I remember when I was stationed in Korea We had short timers calendars. Had 365 boxes to fill in. Each day a box was filled in. I guess I can create something like that now. I am going to grow my hair long. Maybe a goatee, sideburns. I don’t know if I am going to smoke pot though.
I will be 42 years old when I retire. What will I do then? I think I’ll work at a book store and drink pina coladas before I go into work. I feel like the guy planning to escape from prison. He got away, went to Mexico, lived by the ocean on a beautiful beach. I want to live on beach. While my body may not be suited for skimpy Speedos, I love them. That’s my dream. To die on a beach in my Speedos with a pina colada in my grasp.

How drole!

 

Subject: Religion

Time: 2003 Aug 05 21:13:00
After watching EWTN and their hateful message against a certain class of people, I decided to remove any mention of religion from my livejournal. It just makes me sick that Christianity can be so hateful. Please no bullshit about how it’s full of humans and what not. Take personal responsibility for your actions.

 

Subject: Work Work LJ

Time: 2003 Aug 05 14:43:00
i am doing this on my pda. coool! see ya.

 

Subject: wierd mood

Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:45:00
Guess what? I am in a wierd mood. Someone think happy thoughts for me. I need to get my wings back fast.

 

Subject: I am 41.

Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:42:00
I ain’t fucking old. I still feel like I am a teenager. Especially horny all the time. I remember someone saying when I was really a teenager that by the time you hit 40, you are not interested in sex anymore. Of course, i think it was my fucking priest, not that he was fucking me. that was his sweet way of getting me to be a priest. of course, sex finally got a hold of me. it refuses to let go. and believe it or not i don’t want it too.

it’s like my best friend, he simply won’t let go. softer baby softer.

 

Subject: computer talking drunk on whiskey, beer and water

Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:35:00
ACDC
44252
126334
1010110011011100
same thing, different numbering system
sometimes we are talking about the same thing, but because we don’t have the same basis of communication it doesn’t mean anything.
a thing like a calculator hex, oct, dec, and binary.
byte me bastards.

 

Subject: Religion sucks.

Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:30:00
religious people with their rules can fucking bite me.
How can finite man, define an Infinite God?
you fuckers think you can.
Stare God down in your mind’s contest and see who wins.

An infinite God or you, you weak biochemical analytical bullshitter.

i love erika for crazinessbitchiness, i love brian for chaos, i would love to see myself dancing butt fucking naked for erika’s bachlorette party. and afterwards, fucking naked at starbucks, on a wobbly table, to the sounds of someone slurping hot cafe mocha, dripping whipped cream all over my wobbly body.

 

Subject: i want to scream

Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:27:00
scream loud,
rage rowling
at the rafters.
i want to get pushed against a wall,
and rowl at the rafters.

 

Subject: Man!

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Jul 30 20:25:00
I feel fucking destructive.
and when I feel destructive.
constructive comes to mind.
rexford makes me think
of fucking like a rabbit.
rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.
do it bunny style.
snif.

 

Subject: Day at Work

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Jul 30 19:44:00
Chief, you need to send “unnamed source” more proof of your work. this person thinks you are not gainfully employed.

fucking fire my ass then. scared my boss.

sent an email to this nameless person. here’s your proof. now what’s the real issue?

the real issue is they want the golden boy in my job.

 

Time: 2003 Jul 30 19:26:00

brian is the #20 most common male name.
0.736% of men in the US are named brian.
Around 901600 US men are named brian!
source namestatistics.com

 

 

Subject: Draco!

Time: 2003 Jul 29 17:33:00


Which HP Kid Are You?

 

Subject: Friends

Time: 2003 Jul 25 20:31:00
i think i learned something today. i have no friends because i am the most mean person around. anyone who tries to get close to me i shut down fast. i am such a fucking smart ass. i think i do that just to keep people distant. what am i afraid of? i am afraid of being intimate. i am afraid of revealing something about me. like my fear of being discovered for being a dummy. can anyone relate to me?

 

Subject: Interests

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Jul 25 20:21:00
The sucky thing about manic-depressiveness is the wobblyness of it all. up and down up and down up and down. i hate grad school. i hate spending time working on school stuff. i don’t need it. i got a fucking job. it ain’t making me no more smarter (snicker). i hate wasting my time when i could be on a beach somewhere fucking getting drunk on pina coladas. cranky cranky me. i need hugs. i need bodies rubbing against me. preferable bodies slick with hawaiian tropics coconut deep tanning lotion. snicker. oohhhh i feel so wicked. the moon must be full. i turned 41 on wednesday. my wife got me a year’s ticket for the super big mega lottery. that’s 104 draws. i fucking hope i win. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, oh that feels good. oh yeah feels real good just to say fuck. i think that is my favorite word. i guess i better make this a friends only entry. i am gonna get in trouble by the snoopers. fuck fuck fuck i wanna fuck all night fuck fuck fuck.

oh yeah i am sick of being so nice and good all the time. the evil sreak must come out every once in a while. fuck it. it is loose.

 

Subject: The Spider

Time: 2003 Jul 25 20:02:00
Charlotte had to die.

I brought her some crickets. When I examined her container, there were about ten thousand baby black widow spiders.

I could not allow her progeny endanger my family or the neighborhood family.

So she is gone. I cried as she trembled in neurotoxin. She is gone.

 

Subject: This is funny. I always thought I was just a delicate lady in a big man’s body. snicker!

Time: 2003 Jul 25 20:01:00
You are the calla lily.
You are a Calla lily.

Which Kind of Flower Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

 

Subject: madblog, snicker.

Time: 2003 Jul 10 18:21:00

I am tired writing this post to tell you that I fucked at the Starbucks. assertiveangel, dave, and I thought it would be a good idea because we saw it on Star-Trek. After that, we had Pina-Coladas and chocolat syrup at BW3. Our waiter was really hot! Unfortunately, I got food poisoning and threw up in my barrel. Fuck!!
MadBlog by quill18

 

Subject: Disgusted

Time: 2003 Jul 10 18:02:00
With what happened in Louisiana among other things. A man shot in the back several times. He was walking away. The police cameras caught it live! Does one wonder why a black man in Louisiana would try to flee from the evil white Police? There is shame only on American police. The rights eroded, taken from the accused by our Supreme Court have been used by fascist police now to destroy not only sophisticated rights, but also the basic right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Police everywhere used lies to do their work. Lying is evil! It might be the lesser of two evils, but when a person chooses even the lesser of these two evils, he is still choosing evil! A citizen of our great country cannot trust the police, or the judicial system. As a white person, I am most offended by the wanton and malicious attack on black people. I believe in the lies of America! I believe in truth and justice in America. However, it has all been a bunch of lies! Even now, our national leaders refuse to answer questions regarding our illegal attack on Iraq!

I tell you now, “Don’t trust your government, and don’t trust the police!” The only government worth having is a government from, by and for the people. None of which, we have.

 

Subject: Change

Time: 2003 Jul 06 18:23:00
Change is inevitable. Embrace it or die. Too fast and lose the grasp on what’s real. Too real and miss the fun. Change for change sakes suck. Tired of listening to the melodramatic mantra of idiots in charge of stupid things. What counts is change. Change matters. Change gets us to a better place. Vote. Regime change war it brings. Vote a regime change. Justice for all. Enemies too. love peace justice words for false leaders.

 

Subject: July 4th, 2003

Time: 2003 Jul 06 18:21:00
The sky is blue
And the sun is shining

Mosquitoes dance in the blood ritual
Deep Woods Off fragrances the air.

The moon dances in a dark sky
And fireworks explode beyond the field

A little girl screeches in delight
And a boy watches in awed silence.

The colors of the rainbow expand and fall
Seconds pass and the boom arrives.

All around people sit or stand, lie down.
America. America!

 

Subject: Burning UP

Time: 2003 Jul 06 18:17:00
I am burning on the inside.
Going crazy.
My skin is tingling as if too near to the lightening.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
She lies next to me tantalizing me.
Rebuffed by my advances, where should I go?

I don’t care if I get caught.
The energy will dissipate.
If not on her, then anyone!

Darkness falls.
Cats play.
Dogs run away.

 

Subject: Bohemian

Time: 2003 Jul 03 21:44:00
I wonder what that really means. I describe myself as a closet bohemian. I think I desire to be totally free of responsibility. What is it about responsibility that disturbs me? I wonder if I am having a mid-life crisis. I am not interested in doing things most people do when they have a mid-life crisis. You know, like buy a sports car or have an affair. Those things are just like so not the things I want to do during my mid-life crisis. I guess it started almost a year ago when I turned 40. My kids bought me a paddle toys with a ball attached to it. It was title “old fogey work out equipment.” It was made for those ‘over the hill.’ I guess I have a conflict with myself. I don’t feel over the hill. Yet society has conveniently labeled the 40s as over the hill or the time to have a mid-life crisis. I have lost sight of my life goals. I just don’t know what my goals are anymore. Yeah, I have a bunch of things written down. But I feel empty. A void is there that just sucks all my emotional energy out. OK, that’s the crux. My mid-life crisis is one of feeling void and empty. What shall I fill it with? I think I peaked too soon. I don’t have anything to offer society, except my smile and kindness. I can only offer a helping hand to those in need or for those who are hurting. I am weary of this life. I believe that a person must have direction. My direction does involve drawing near to God. I don’t have a problem with that. Work is fine. Family is fine. So what is it? I think it has to do with my predisposition towards depression. As y’all know, sexual abuse survivors have this pit in the stomach that just sucks all goodness out of life. I guess my pit is just acting up. I just need to scream. SCREAM.

 

Subject: The Spider Stories

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Jul 03 20:39:00
Charlotte, the magical Black Widow Spider, is doing well. She bounces all over her web. She’s been talking to me lately. Asking to sit on my hand. I don’t think I’ll let her. I went over 18 years of active military service today. Yeah! I had a brain fart while I was running this morning. It didn’t last long though.

So tell me this. Why is it that assholes can be assholes to me and I still continue to smile and talk to them? I am just no good at holding a grudge or ignoring them. Of course, I fume, but even that doesn’t last long. I wish I could hold a grudge.

I think I am just too nice.

I also don’t think I am a very good student. I have like 60 or 70 pages to write for my grad courses and I am not motivated.

I feel lazy. I need a wild party where I can get drunk and go crazy. If I am lucky someone will pull my clothes off and do naughty things to me. OK, if you read this far, you get a prize. 😉

 

Subject: Owner

Time: 2003 Jun 27 19:36:00
Closed on the townhouse today. Yea! Charlotte the Black Widow Spider is well. 4.0 on my grad course studies so far. Gee, did not know I was so smart. Four classes and comps to go to graduate. Tired of school too. Imagine that! I have discovered something essential about work and how a guy can be sexually harassed. I think I’ll start recording conversations. Or should I ignore it? I can just see myself getting blamed for it since I am the male. I know the universe is teaching me something critical. Is it wrong to be treated with respect. I have a co-worker who acts like a high school football player. In other words a bully. I don’t like bullies or mean people. Oh well, so much for this whiny post.

 

Subject: After the Fact

Time: 2003 Jun 06 17:47:00
It’s over. America that is.

We have forgotten something important on our way to Hegemony. The thing is compassion. We have forgotten how to love. We have forgotten how to care for one another in need and in that forgetfulness lies our demise. We shall fall. For pride goes before the fall. And in that fall, there will be no one there to pick us up. No one; because when the world thinks of our Hegemony, they will think of vanity and pride. No one in this world thinks highly of braggarts.

If we win anything in this world, it is not because of our personal glory, but all due to the love of our Lord Jesus Christ. If our nation wins anything, it will be thought that we won because we kick and fight unfairly. Bullies are not praised. Nor should they.

We teach our children not to fight in school. Children that fight in school get suspended. If our nation fights to prove its points, how is that different from anyone who uses violence to make a point or prove supremacy?

Supremacy was important when our actions would not hurt anyone. Now to reign supreme, we must displace others. In that displacement, we encourage and grow bitterness. Out of that bitterness, comes hate. In that hate, dwells bombs and fire and people who will use it against the oppressor.

What should we do now after the fact?

We should put on sack cloth and ashes. Our sin against the world is too great to be forgotten, nor taken lightly. We swore before the world our actions were correct due to the significant proof we would find. That proof not found indicates either a seriously broken apparatus or an apparatus willing to lie to achieve its goals. Cheaters never win and winners never cheat. There is nothing special about our government that gives it the right to lie, steal or cheat. Our country is special in that we are a nation that gives all people the right to pursue life, liberty, and a safe place to do it.

We cheated. We lied. So once again, I tell you we must seek forgiveness for our actions. Perhaps if we seek forgiveness, we can proceed properly on the path to peace. No good ever comes out of war. Only more war, more fighting, more hate.

I am sure most of you know that if the world took what it spent on violence and applied it too universal health care, our civilization would progress to a point no one can imagine. But will it happen? No, I don’t think we have the maturity to do this.

The poor will remain poor. The rich will remain rich. Our civilization will fall because we are selfish and self-important. There is a price to be paid for every innocent that dies. At the end of time, the goats and sheep will be separated. Our sins of omission will be enough to get us grouped with the goats.

If our voices are not added to the choir, we will be shown the door. This door can only lead to death.

 

Subject: JBR

Time: 2003 May 29 17:18:00
I am almost done with my JonBenet Ramsey paper for my Critical Analysis grad course. As stated before it was a difficult paper to write for no other reason than I hate writing about the murder of a young child. What darkness there is in the heart of man to snuff out the lightness in the heart of a child?

Charlotte is still well. No baby black widows yet. She guards the egg sac like a sentinel. Only pausing in her guard to feast upon her cricket and gypsy moth diet.

I have been playing my most favoritist MUD of all times, Temporal Rift. Yes, it’s an alternate world. I have two characters there. Both dragons, one is a Paladin and the other an Assassin. I’ve gotten over a billion gold pieces. Both my characters have been fixed so that they no longer have to eat or drink, because I got special tokens (no eat and no drink). This is such a relief not having to provide food or water to my electronic personae. One day will man achieve sentient electronic immortality?

As I progress in my journey in life I realize the beauty that surrounds me and how I wish I could just stop the current moment and exist in it perfectly. I think that being with God forever will be like the most perfect moment captured in time but still flowing timelessly. I remember when I was SCUBA diving off the coast of Panama and how I rolled over on my back at the bottom of the ocean and could see the Sun and her rays drifting diffusively down->wards barely touching me with her golden light. The fish were all about in their gravity free dance, watching me, watching them.

Pray for me while I finish my paper about a blessed child smitten by evil that no darkness will enter my heart.

Life. Be it.

 

Subject: Our townhouse.

Time: 2003 May 23 12:46:00
We are buying. Locked in our interest rate at 4.875%! That just smacks! Yahoo.

 

Subject: Oh My! I am going to have a baby!

Time: 2003 May 22 17:50:00
No, not me. My spider, Charlotte, the Black Widow, has an egg sac. I don’t even recall when some poor male BWS snuck in. Maybe she was with child when I found her. Maybe when I found her she was running away from home because she was pregnant and unmarried. Well it’s a good thing I found her and rescued her. Heck, what am I going to do with 945 (best guess) baby black widow spiders? I’ll probably call the university spider specialists and ask if they want some.

I am planning my second career. Some ideas are 1. Virginia School Teacher, 2. Spy, 3. Postal Worker, 4. Legal Administrator for some local law firm. 5. Worker at the Sbarro’s in the mall. 6. Real estate agent (people tell me I could sell anything.)

I am happy as a pig in mud that I am close to retiring from the military. I can stay for several more years but I am desperately afraid I’ll punch one of my lawyer bosses and then get court-martialed. I have been deferring some plans I’ve had for a very long time. I really want long hair and side burns and one of those cute goatees that people use to have in the late 19th century. Geez, another thing is that I am 40. I have an issue with that. I don’t feel 40. I don’t feel comfortable with that feeling. For some reason, I still picture myself as 19. It boggles me. I am wondering whether this is a midlife crisis feeling or not. I don’t think it is a midlife crisis because I am not interested in a new car or dumping my sweet and lovely wife. I think assertiveangel remembers my wife from Puerto Rico (Do you?) and will agree with me that I am one crazy guy. I am on leave also for over a week and intend on getting blitzed at our former neighbor’s from Germany’s house this weekend. I love wild parties. What is age anyway? I need you smart and lovely bohemian people to give me some ideas.

Another thing, I am horny as hell and haven’t a clue why. Is it due to the spider having an egg sac or is it more to do with my looming retirement from the military. Or maybe I should switch underwear (again). Hmmm….

Sometimes I think I have a multiple personality. Sometimes I feel so holy and other times so base. Where in the world does that come from? Anyone got any answers?

 

Subject: Day Off and Some Really Big Questions

Time: 2003 May 20 10:39:00
I have a day off. I am doing school work. I cleaned the kitchen. My wife is happy. The black widow spider is still doing well. I got her some more crickets. The other night, my son, little girl and I were watching as she was using her back feet to throw her silk around one of the crickets. She pretty much had it too. The cricket struggled free and spent some time cleaning herself. In the morning she had successfully webbed two of the crickets. I find it really soothing to be able to observe a deadly black widow spider within the confines of our home. I want my kids to be able to see nature in action without learning to judge nature as being harsh or evil. The earth is our mother. Why do we act so hateful against her? Why do we get all weird about getting wet when it is raining? I watched the Matrix the other day with my son. After the movie, we left the theater. It was raining. So many people just stood there waiting for the rain to stop or for someone to go to the car and pick them up at the curb. My son and I went to our car. We got a little wet. But we dried off.

I am also thinking about which lay religious order I want to join. It’s one of three: the Benedictines, the Dominicans, or the Franciscans. I find all three exciting. I think the choice will end up coming out of convenience. My parish is Dominican. I like the radicalism of the Franciscans. The Intellectualism of the Dominicans. And the community spirituality of the Benedictines. I’ve been going to daily mass trying to get a clue and deepen my own spirituality.

My continuous happy thought is that I am within spitting distance of retiring from the military. Yahoo.

 

Subject: I am still here.

Time: 2003 May 12 11:29:00
In case any one was missing me.

All is well.

 

Subject: Look What I Did! Snicker, snicker!

Time: 2003 May 06 21:54:00

 

Subject: Cool Stuff

Time: 2003 May 03 15:04:00
Well I have all three computers networked and crunching SETI data. My son published his pet sitting business report. The black widow spider is still perky as a spider can be. I found another spider and threw it in with her. They are both just as content as can be. I am listening to birds talking to each other and a nice gentle breeze is about. Pretty, Pretty. Got a party to go to soonest. So see ya later.

 

Subject: Deleted

Time: 2003 Apr 27 20:50:00
Geez, I open up my journal look at my friends and what do I see? Someone who got a 100% on some poll. Guess what. Un-friended. Sorry dude you are gone.

LJ-cut for photos like that.

Thanks.

 

Subject: Sunday Evening

Security:private
Time: 2003 Apr 27 20:42:00
Just got back from my son’s religion class. I studied while he was in class. He thinks it’s boring. He was also tired all day. He had stayed up all night at Dane’s house. Too much fun for him. I would like to be a deacon.

 

Subject: Well . . .

Time: 2003 Apr 25 19:10:00
Music: some greek stuff i can’t pronounce. Kristos Anesti!
I ran at noon. Legs are jello. I am sleepy. I want to go to sleep. My cat is here on her back wanting me to scratch her belly. My son has a visitor. My daughter is mean. She will not share her Red Twists with me. I took some anyway. She just likes to tease me.

It is hard to concentrate when tired. I gotta read stuff about JonBenet Ramsey. I got their house floor plans off the Internet, the girl’s autopsy, tons of other stuff. I got about ten hypothesis about the murder to write about. It’s gonna be an easy paper to write. Criminal analysis is easy to write about since it’s so methodical.

I still don’t like writing about it. Don’t like reading it either. I totally understand why police detectives appear aloof to us neophytes. It could tear a person to pieces.

I also just don’t get why writing about a girl’s murder is part of a Management Graduate program. I can understand Statistics and what not, but criminal analysis? Please. I guess that’s the problem when the school is geared to the “national security community.” Why can’t they have fine arts degrees for military folks?

OK, I am going back to being a mean military person again. You know that we are not really sensitive types with souls. Which is another gripe I have about some of our folks here and that’s the stereotyping that goes on. So what if I am a baby killer? Whoops, that’s not me. That’s the murderer of JonBenet.

Stereotyping I imagine is good for people. It makes them feel better because they are on some imaginary moral high ground. What I have discovered about some of our anti-war buds (the ones that think we are baby killers) are pro-abortion. Tell me if that’s not a dichotomy!

Ok, if I am not careful, I am going to lose friends. I am going to get cut off. Well, good, leave.

Man, I am tired. Look how cranky I am.

 

Subject: Interesting People

Time: 2003 Apr 24 20:29:00
I must say there are some pretty interesting people here!

On Tuesday I bought a refurbished Dell (stuff is cheap-I’ll let y’all know how it works out). It’s gonna be my main machine now. This one will go to the kids. The third I’ll be running Linux (RH,v7). Next I’ll get a MAC.

My little girl walked a neighbor’s dog. Good practice for when we get a dog.

Charlotte, my lovely black widow spider, is doing fine. She had a big ant last night.

 

Subject: Vanity and Weakness – Public Confessions

Security:private
Time: 2003 Apr 24 16:25:00
Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Apostolos Hill – The Gates of Repentence

Vanity and Weakness – Public Confessions
I love it when I (or more than likely another soul) expose some flaw or defect in my character and life choices. I know fundamentally I do such things in order to get attention. I also realize I do such things because I am deep down a person who desires to return to the spiritual place I used to live. Finally, I make choices in order to fill in the loneliness I feel. Of course, when one is surrounded by holy people these choices are held back by the support of spiritual buddies and mentors.

Somehow I feel this Catholic community is like an Irish Monastery that practiced public confession. By revealing one’s fault sins are more likely to be purged from one’s eternal soul. I acted disobediently in ignorance, wasted my time in iniquity, lost the richness that God can give us all because of my pride and vanity. Also by revealing personal sins the community is strengthened by a communal catharsis.

However in order to do this requires a commitment of trust and competence of the community.

A short story: On 9/11 I was in a Cistercian Monastery in the Republic of Ireland. My wife is Irish and we visit there quite often. I was most recently stationed overseas so it was cheap and easy to get to Ireland repeatily. While there, I experienced a community bound together by work and prayer. I realized my desire to work for peace and justice. But do y’all know how hard it is to work for peace and justice when one is in knee deep in an organization where peace and justice is the work of protesters? How do I maintain my Christian duties and obligations and still maintain the oath I took as an American soldier?

Everyday I am torn in two between my love of God and love of my country. I make the choices necessary to support my love of God. Because of my unwavering trust in God, I know he will protect me and guard me from any foe: American or otherwise.

I can almost feel like St Thomas More faced against his King and his Church. He chose his church and was executed for it. But no worries here, I doubt I’ll be executed as I walk a fine line for my immortal soul.

It is this war that I wage that makes me aware of my need for catharsis. To be pure and holy and righteous not only before God but before the community of the faithful.

I am sure I am not the only one that fights battles like this. Anyone else care to share? Thanks.

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(Post a new comment)

didn’t know you were catholic
rexford
2003-04-23 17:45 (from 64.69.144.177) (link) Select
….cool.
(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: didn’t know you were catholic
epikeia
2003-04-23 17:49 (from 208.33.156.15) (link) Select
Thanks. I hope your time in isolation is fruitful as well. Be at peace and we will pray for you.
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: didn’t know you were catholic
rexford
2003-04-23 17:51 (from 64.69.144.177) (link) Select
…i hope i get laid.
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: didn’t know you were catholic
epikeia
2003-04-23 18:01 (from 208.33.156.15) (link) Select
Silly boy.
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: didn’t know you were catholic
rexford
2003-04-23 18:26 (from 64.69.144.177) (link) Select
it’s true…..i’ve been very needy…
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

tara_incognito
2003-04-23 18:52 (from 65.58.117.245) (link) Select
Anyway…

This is beautiful and oddly timely for me (posted something on it in my personal journal this afternoon).

I, too, am waging a similar battle on the same front, and it has made me aware of my need for catharsis even to the tiniest degree at times. And not just in this arena, but in all the areas of my life.

You aren’t alone, sir. Glad to know I’m not, either.
(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re:
epikeia
2003-04-23 18:54 (from 208.33.156.15) (link) Select
Thanks for the support! We are on in the Barque aren’t we!
(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

paladin3
2003-04-23 19:20 (from 66.25.8.10) (link) Select
I think you’ll find that a lot of soldiers have faced this before. Most of the soliders I know are men of deep faith…including my Dad…his faith is so much stronger than mine, I use him as an example of how a man should be.

p3

 

Security:private
Time: 2003 Apr 21 22:47:00
Anonymouse (an0nym0use) wrote,
@ 2003-04-20 18:08:00

random things?
Well…yeli came over, fun.
Lamb and rice…is very delicious…and expected each easter.
By the way, it was easter.

Oh yeah…here’s what ahppened this Triduum.
Holy Thursday:
Went to mass at school..touching, but to early for triduum to start. So I went to mass again at 7, so the triduum could start (i’m picky like that). But before I went, I bought a black shirt. it was 55% off, and if that isn’t God sending a message(that is, buy this…symbolism), then I don’t know what is. So, to Holy Thurs. mass, I wear black..pants, shirt, socks shoes.
It was quite…the same. Eventually we got to the part I wanted to see (the stripping of the church) and..it was well done, i suppose. They took the Eucharist out, processed int he church, then left. And we followed.. I actually felt like jumping up and running after them to see what was happening..little kid thoughts…
they removed the eucharist to the chapel, where people filed in. the eucharist was placed in a glass case, very beautiful…and they sang a song “stay with me…(sing or pray or something) with me, keep watch with me. very nice. apparently, eucharistic adoration took place till 12

at the maronite church, they did the same i bet, except eucharistic adoration until daylight. if there were two of me, id go everywhere. but theres not, so i pick.

Good Friday-
went to roman catholic church, and i was VERY dissapointed our large cross hanginf from ceiling wasn’t draped in black as usual…oh well. the service wasnt..that big a deal. i went at 3, missed chaplet of divine mercy and stations of cross

at 7, i went to the maronite church..this was truly amazing. as usual, it was in black, and i wore my black everything(and white boxers…i went to the bathroom and devised symbolism by the time i left..white symbolising the ressurection that will happen, black for the death). they did stations of cross, readings, sermon, carried the casket, and adoration of cross(and so did roman church). i had the translated text of the song they sang while carrying the casket. now that i know what it was, it was very very overpowering. not only the tone, but the meaning. some things:
“what have you done to me? i came for you and you betrayed me? see my mother weeping. i’ll look for the thing on the internet or ask my priest..it was so very touching. veneration of cross, and we leave.

saturday-nothing

sunday-easter, yeli came with us, we eat.

i went out and bought turok..for xbox..15 dollars! wow! its not that great a game, but i planned to buy it so long ago. glad the price is low..that was new, by the way…at gamestop.

anyways, 14 days left, thank god. chem test, wed. and sat. and then i’m dead for rest of year.

anyways..going fast. in light of my last entry, has anyone noticed the..large numbers of those that declare to be gay or bi on lj? i guess lj just absorbs people, and they get accepted (while some people, ie ME, are not so accepting of what see as immoral)..same goes for paganism, and witchcraft. and i think that in many cases these are much worse than homosexuality, because for most teens this involves rejecting God and their religion, rejecting family, rebelling..never good.

by the way…i never went through a rebelling phase. my worst was yelling at my mom or dad. i never tried drugs, alcohol, sex(of any kind) and rather than reject God I fully accepted him and the Church. and i’m not reckless..most of the time.

anyways…i to go now, cya.

oh yeah.
“US turns its gunsights on Iran and Syria ”

would you believe that i hope this happens? if we’ll attack syria, i’l vote for bush, no problem. and if the Church condemns the war..ill just be silent (suppressing shouts of joy). I remember when their dic…president died. assad…i can tell you our family was glued to the screen..very content i should add. i think thers like 20000 syrian troops in lebanon..a war would force them to leave and lebanon would be free, as opposed to a part of “greater syria” the express interst of the syrians…and they can take the hundred thousand syrian workers with them. i remember hereing stories about when they invaded lebanon…they reached my uncles house and stormed in, looked for my family (hiding in the bathroom) and announced they were present. they’ve been there 10 years (i find it interesting nobody criticizes them). anyways, everyone knows lebanon is too weak to be a threat to..anyone. not to mention its very modern. and christian. and not..terroristic(anymore).

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(Post a new comment)

You are so odd.
epikeia
2003-04-21 19:43 (link)
You have a very selective cafeteria style of Catholicism. You declare the Church can only do the truth, yet when the Pope states a war is not right, you go silent (would you believe that i hope this happens? if we’ll attack syria, i’l vote for bush, no problem. and if the Church condemns the war..ill just be silent (suppressing shouts of joy). If you want to take the attitude that the Church is always right then why are you picking and choosing now?

You are inconsistent with your faith and morals. Yet you find “they get accepted (while some people, ie ME, are not so accepting of what see as immoral”. You can’t pick and choose morality.

I really don’t know why you think you are a shining example of Catholicism. You are obviously a good cafeteria (pick and choose) Catholic.

I actually like your posting. I copied it and will add it to my journal as an illustration of narrowminded hatred that poses as morally guided Catholicism.

You are a Pharisee and a good one I might add.

 

Subject: I am Tired.

Time: 2003 Apr 21 18:04:00
Ran at lunch. About 5 miles. Took 5 minutes off my personal best for that distance. Legs are sore. But I feel good.

I gotta read two books tonight so no playing tonight with you guys. Maybe later. If I don’t fall asleep.

I also successfully enrolled in two more grad courses. Strategic Management and Information Technology Project Management. Both those courses are gonna be a breeze for me because I do that stuff every day for my real life job. Needless to say it’s nice to be doing something easy in my life for a change.

That’s one thing I can tell you (my non-military friends that is) with the stress the Army puts you through, there’s nothing you can’t do. Except maybe get a dog because your landlady won’t allow them. Who needs a dog anyway. My cat Holly and Charlotte, my lovely black widow spider, keeps me occupied. Jump Charlotte jump. Good spider. Easy now girl, not so much nibbling.

OK, Upstairs I go. See y’all later.

 

Subject: A Question . . .

Time: 2003 Apr 20 23:17:00
If someone posted to my journal and then deleted them, would it be wrong for me to repost the comments?

 

Subject: This is what I mean . . .

Time: 2003 Apr 19 21:02:00
Anonymouse (an0nym0use) replied to your LiveJournal comment in which you said:

No, I’m really just obliged just to ignore you.

Ignore on…

Their reply was:

Subject: Re: Oh yeah
ok. well, i’m sorry that you feel that way, and I hope you understand that it is your obligation to learn the truth. So if you’ve decided to completely close off your mind and disregard everything I’ve said, well thats your choice.

I would think though, that if Salvation were important enough for you (and, this is the purpose of religion, is it not?) then you would really seek out what exactly the truth is. Are you worried at all about what could happen if you’re wrong? Maybe, maybe you should consider that. because it take moments to simply ASK someone, whereas the punishment in purgatory (or worse, hell) is not proportional to the time you would spend finding the truth.

 

Subject: I had to ban a very nasty person.

Time: 2003 Apr 19 20:49:00
Someone blind to love and mercy under the guise of religion.

ban_set an0nym0use

User an0nym0use (868735) banned from epikeia.

 

Subject: JonBenet Ramsey

Time: 2003 Apr 19 12:11:00
Music: Abba – Dancing Queen
I am writing a paper on JBR for a graduate course (Critical Analysis). I am fighting it tooth and nail.

I got the autopsy, notes, evidence (described in writing).

This is like so hard to do! Poor little girl. Such a beautiful tender little girl.

What darkness is in man that would murder anyone, especially a child!

 

Subject: Snicker, snicker. See mom! I ain’t crazy.

Time: 2003 Apr 18 18:16:00

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

— Personality Disorder Test – Take It! —

 

Subject: Homosexuality and I am …

Time: 2003 Apr 18 14:36:00
Reading the threads on the church’s stand on homosexuality.

Jesus would probably say “shame, shame’ on the pharisees and scribes in the group now. He came to love and love and love. Not spout Dogma.

If the first words out of your mouth is not one of love, then you can take your noisy gong and shove it. Love purifies all desires, wishes, and dreams. Not dogma, not the church! It is Jesus.

Jesus loves the broken people. He came for the broken hearted. Not for the ones who have all the answers. If you drive people away from our Holy Mother Church in this form or in any other way, you are burdened with blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.

Think about that you pharisees and scribes on this most important day. The day that Jesus took up the cross so that he could lift sinful humanity back to heaven. You know the rules, but you don’t know LOVE. You know your rule books, and have you forgotten that God is LOVE. He is not about blame. He is not about putting the people he loves in categorical boxes of darkness. He is about removing the tears from our eyes.

Our God is an awesome God, he reigns in heaven and earth!

 

Subject: Charlotte, the Frisky Black Widow Spider

Time: 2003 Apr 17 21:50:00
Charlotte is doing well. She got’s quite a nest web going. I am surprised she’s ok. I gave her a funny looking bug the other day (I think it was a stink bug). She had it wrapped up in no time. She’s moving about her web now testing the strands. She must be about 84 in spider years.

 

Subject: Bummed Out.

Time: 2003 Apr 16 20:03:00
I went to Walmart this afternoon. While there I got totally bummed out. I watched this mother and son routine. The kid was about four. The mother told the kid to do something. He replied back to her with the most nasty foul-mouthed thing imaginable. The mother just meekly took it and made no effort to correct it. I heard the meta-communication, which was an abusive husband at home doing it in front of the kids.

How sad!

Totally disturbed me as I thought of the future of this kid and his future relationship with women.

Does this bother anyone else?

 

Subject: Got an A.

Time: 2003 Apr 15 16:14:00
Got an A on my Research Methods graduate course. yippie do da de!

 

Subject: Thanks Cetigirl!!

Time: 2003 Apr 15 00:23:00

I scored
54¾%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!
Take the test here!

 

Subject: What is Peace?

Time: 2003 Apr 13 19:36:00
For me it is a state of mind. It is an absence of conflict and war. It’s like having neighbors who help each other when ever a need arises. It’s like a beautiful relaxing remote island the mind creates (with all the Pina Colades a person can drink). It’s like a dance club where everyone is just bouncing around like happy Tiggers high on the beauty and hot bodies of everyone. It’s like being in a laundromat late at night doing clothes and having a beautiful somebody coming in and talking about love, peace and justice. It’s like 30 minutes later making love on the top of the spinning washing machines, sweaty entwined. Peace is being with your best friends talking about quantum electrodynamics drinking the best Tequila in the world. Peace is later lying on one’s back in the middle of a grassy field drunk as skunk watching the stars in their quiet dance of the night; with your friends near by laughing at the way the stars fade in and out of space-time irregularities, looking for that silly bottle of Tequila (or was it coconut rum?).

I want peace.

 

Subject: Back from San Diego

Time: 2003 Apr 13 01:04:00
I am back from San Diego. It was one cool place. I stayed in the Gaslamp district. I did not want to leave. I got a lot of thinking done. I read a book that showed me where my future should lead. It was by Andy Grove, Intel Chairman, “only the paranoid survive.” I think I am at a personal inflection point. Two years left to 20 for military service. Do I stay in or do I get out? It’s a hard decision. Who knows.

 

Subject: San Diego

Time: 2003 Apr 08 19:45:00
I am in the Association of Legal Administrators Conference Hall in San Diego. Just had a nice talk from Dennis Archer, former mayor of Detroit. Things are well. It is absolutely gorgeous here in this part of the country. Be back to Virginia late late Saturday night. Big vendor party tonight by IKON in the Gaslamp district. See ya later. b.

 

Subject: Packing

Time: 2003 Apr 04 19:09:00
I am packing for my trip to San Diego. I am sure I’ll have fun. I am suppose to be checking the weather and not my live journal.

 

Subject: My earlier post

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Apr 03 23:12:00
Music: Song of Kim’s Choosing!!
I had to make an additional entry before I go to bed. I’ve gotten so many swell posts. Thanks to you all. I know when I am feeling scared, I can count on y’all to hold my hand.

And you know when you need me to hold your hand or give you a hug, I am so there!!

I don’t know if any one else believes in it but I believe in Astral Projection. Traveling in while the body sleeps. If anyone ever wants to have an Astrally Projected LiveJournal Meeting, lets do it!!!

Take Care Friends.

 

Subject: Picture of Me

Time: 2003 Apr 03 19:35:00
Me!

 

Subject: Picture of Charlotte

Time: 2003 Apr 03 19:29:00
Charlotte, The Black Widow Spider

 

Subject: Personal Considerations

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Apr 03 18:07:00
One of the themes of my life is dealing with the sexual abuse I suffered as a boy. I was abused from the time I was around 4 or 5, till I was an early teenager. I am not going to talk about the abusers. They don’t deserve any words of mention outside of what they are.

My journey through healing started when my little brother killed himself almost 14 years ago. He suffered, along with my little sister and my older sister, the same crime. I decided I would not end up dead by my hand. I got treatment and guess what? I am finally ok at the age of 40. I am more open to the ‘all’ than I have ever been. I also realize as I get older that I’ve done life before. I seems like I have been here many lifetimes. I can’t say that anywhere other than here without sounding odd.

I recently read a post by dharmabum that was so me at one time in my life. I think we can learn from other people. I know that when needed, the teacher will appear. I think in my case, the teacher is ‘Livejournal.’ I appreciate y’alls honesty with each other. That is so cool.

One of my favorite books is Ender’s War. He plays a game that has evolved intelligence. Eventually the game ‘loves’ him.

I wish I was a Borg sometimes. Not in order to lose my humanity, but to gain all of y’alls. Thanks for being a source of balance to me (and I am sure of others)

 

Subject: Spider Update

Time: 2003 Apr 02 21:03:00
Well the black widow spider is doing well. She ate one cricket. The other four are hiding in a corner. She is perched in her web. Amazing I still have her.

Any one want pictures?

 

Subject: For the Charlottesville Livejournalers

Security:Friends
Time: 2003 Apr 01 21:39:00
Hi y’all. Did a search on livejournals in Charlottesville. Found a bunch. You seemed to be the most interesting. I got tired of looking though. See ya around.

 

Subject: Soldier Says He’s Conscientious Objector

Time: 2003 Apr 01 19:22:00
I hope he survives the ordeal. Some might call him a coward, but I think he is very brave in facing up to his choices. I know a lot of people who don’t have the moral fortitude or personal integrity to say “I’ve made a mistake.”

April 1, 2003 03:49 PM EST

SAN JOSE, Calif. – With his sister carrying his duffel bag and his mother holding his hand, a 20-year-old Marine reservist surrendered to the military Tuesday and declared himself a conscientious objector.

Wearing camouflage fatigues, Lance Cpl. Stephen Funk turned himself in at the locked gates of the Marine Corps reserve center where he was assigned, weeks after refusing to report when called up to active duty.

“Ultimately, it’s my fault for joining in the first place,” said Funk, who didn’t show up when his unit was deployed to Camp Pendleton. “It wasn’t as well thought out as it should’ve been. It was about me being depressed and wanting direction in life.”

Funk said he’s attended every major San Francisco Bay area anti-war rally since finishing his military training last fall. He insisted his decision had nothing to do with the war in Iraq.

Those applying for a conscientious discharge must submit a detailed letter explaining how their feelings have changed since joining the military. Then there are interviews with a military chaplain, a psychiatrist and an investigating officer. The final decision is made by top military commanders.

Applications for conscientious discharges always increase during wartime. There were 111 granted during the 1991 Gulf War. Only 28 were granted last year, military officials said.

“The Marine Corps understands there are service members opposed to the war,” said Capt. Patrick O’Rourke, spokesman for Funk’s unit, adding that he hadn’t received Funk’s application yet. “He’ll be treated fairly.”

Funk, who grew up in Washington state, enlisted when he was 19 and living on his own for the first time. He said he caved in to pressure from a recruiter who capitalized on his vulnerability.

“They don’t really advertise that they kill people,” Funk said. “I didn’t really realize the full implications of what I was doing and what it really meant to be in the service as a reservist.”

Funk said he began doubting his fitness for military service during basic training last spring when he felt uncomfortable singing cadence calls that described violence and screaming “Kill, kill, kill.”

Funk’s father, Robert Funk, enlisted in the Navy reserves and was called up to active duty in 1970 to serve in Vietnam. He said he wishes his son hadn’t joined in the first place.

“I don’t think he realized how close we were to getting involved in this conflict,” Robert Funk said from his home in Everson, Wash. “I thought his views didn’t line up with military service and he should wait and really look at it.”

 

Subject: Paid Account

Time: 2003 Apr 01 17:31:00
I was in the midst of attempting to answer these questions “What is the likelihood of a Type 1 error if the null hypothesis is actually true?” and “What is the likelihood of a Type 1 error if the null hypothesis is actually false?’ when I decided I could pay for a live journal account.

Thanks again to throwingstardna for providing me with my original startup code.

 

Subject: My Pet Black Widow Spider

Time: 2003 Mar 31 21:30:00
Her tripod of azalea sticks
held together with a rubber band.
Her sticky web slung
From stick to stick
She hangs up side down, looking
At the Sun above. Red hourglass
On her belly; counting sand dropping
time; nothing, nothing happening.

She is quite content in her plastic home.
Perched high in her gooey nest.
Inches away human flesh keyboarding.

There’s no fear, only respect.
Respect for a darkness, blackness.

Devotion to my pet black widow spider.

 

Subject: Grad Course

Time: 2003 Mar 31 16:59:00
I completed my grad course. Had a 99.80% average. Does that kick or does that kick? The other two I am taking are bit more analytical. One is Research Methods and the other is Critical Analytical Thinking.

 

Subject: SETI

Time: 2003 Mar 30 22:19:00
Music: Klaatu-Little Neutrino
I like SETI Stuff. If you want to help analyzed data for them. Go to this website:
http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu

 

Subject: Personality Test

Time: 2003 Mar 30 13:44:00

My personality is rated 33.
What is yours?
quiz by midgetfarm.com
Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

 

Subject: Snowing on Sunday

Time: 2003 Mar 30 13:07:00
It is snowing. Big fat wet flakes of snow. Melting as fast as it hits the ground.

The spider ate one of the crickets. Interesting animal.

Read “How to Lie with Statistics” by Darrell Huff. I read it along time ago (around 1983) for a Statistics class when I was in college. Had to read it again for my graduate course in Research Methods. It is still a good book to read.

I am going out to California (San Diego) for a legal conference. So I am doing all my homework for the next three weeks today.

I like school. I am taking school through the Internet. Not as much fun as a real classroom, but I save time and money by doing it at home. No driving, no walking, no hassle. Unfortunately, I miss the intimate dialog of having a fellow student next to me.

I like the give and take of discussion and negotiating. One of my most favorite jobs of all I had in the military involved negotiating. I was good at it. Maybe when I retire from the Army in two years (or more if I want), I’ll get a similar job.

 

Subject: Black Widow Spider

Time: 2003 Mar 29 19:19:00
I found a black widow spider (one of two North American poisonous spiders-the other is the brown recluse) at work yesterday. I brought her home and she is now happily snacking on a cricket. Earlier I watched her prepared her web. Amazing.

People at work wanted to kill the spider. I must admit spiders bug me too. But I don’t really know why. Is it something I learned as a kid?

Do we kill things because of fear?

 

Subject: me

Time: 2003 Mar 29 11:36:00
I feel a sense of horror at the present situation. I feel torn in two with my love of country and my love of other people. Due to my duty in the military, I’ve been posted all over the world. It is a beautiful place. It is a place full of beautiful people. It is a place with people like you and me who want to do what you and I do.

I honestly question whether we are a nation that desires the best for everyone. My sinking feeling is that we don’t. I and probably a lot of people like me grew up naively. However, I am open to the possibility that my educational development is not based on the truth.

I question myself what is the truth. I don’t know. It saddens me that we could be the source of great pain in the world.

I appreciate your post and your words. I appreciate throwningstardna’s unadulterated commitment to come to a sense of truth in our world of chaos.

Thanks.

b.

 

Subject: Our Country!

Time: 2003 Mar 24 20:35:00
Stephen Decatur said it and it goes now: Our country! In her intercourse with foreign nations, may she always be in the right; but our country, right or wrong.

I am proud to be an American. I am proud to serve in the forces that guard our nation and protect our way of life.

Some of the posters here should ask themselves whether they are truly proud to be Americans. So proud they would server her as well. I am not talking serving her like a bunch of narcissistic street punks protesting war.

America sees these children as traitors to the Constitution. Where is the concept of support and defend the Constitution. We are beset with enemies and instead of unanimity we have divisiveness in the name of fighting for our rights as Americans to protest.

It is easy to post pictures of our soldiers here and pretend to be a righteous soul and attack our nation’s leaders. But then I ask you what military service do you have?

Those of you who would flee a draft should flee now. You don’t deserve to live here.

 

Subject: Coalition Forces Find Chemical Weapon Factory

Time: 2003 Mar 23 20:04:00
The UN Inspectors could not. Imagine that.

 

Subject: Stuff

Security:private
Time: 2003 Mar 20 20:40:00
Well it has been awhile since my last posting. I got good news about my Masters program. The school took 15 hours of my previous course work. So now I have only four more courses to do. I am currently taking three classes now. So I should be done within a year.

If you take a look at my user information, you’ll see that I am in the Army. I returned from overseas in the summer, so I am not in the desert. If I were still overseas, I would be deployed. Some of you might think that I am lucky.

I watch the news and hear of the ‘anti-war’ protestors. Since I appreciate peace and justice from my Catholic upbringing, I understand the nature of the protest. On the face of it, it appears that we are the ‘oppressors’ of a weak nation; ruthlessly attacking Iraq. I question my nation motives just as much as the next person. The ultimate question I have for myself and for anyone is as follows:

“What is our duty and obligation to rescue the poor and oppressed in nations such as Iraq?”

It’s a given that he brutalizes his own people. At least I think it is. I don’t think there is proof that he is not torturing, maiming, and raping his men, women and children. The people who have escaped Iraq say it is so.

I know in America if anyone of us had a neighbor doing that, the police would be knocking on their door. Saving the children against abuse is required by our laws. In fact, knowing of an abusive situation and not reporting it is a crime in itself for certain ‘mandatory’ sources (doctors, teachers, etc).

Did we give the UN enough time? Even if we had given the UN more time, would they have acted? I don’t think so. France, Germany, Russia, and China have a reason to oppose the war. Once the operation in Iraq is complete, I do believe we will find that they have been supporting him more than they should have.

Even when we choose the lesser of two evils, we are still choosing evil. But what happens if the lesser evil chooses us? Imagine another attack on America. This time on the West Coast, in California, in San Francisco. What will we do? The nation has changed. The nation is changing. We are in a state of flux, a state of change, so monumental. It is confusing.

I think the folks protesting the war should continue to protest and I hope they do it in as ‘just’ a manner as our military deals with Iraq. We are on the side of a cliff, even a razor. If we are not careful, we could easily slide into the abyss.

Several years back I thought the world was on its way to something really cool. Now I am not sure. I feel the fear and the insecurity. I have two children and I hope the world will be a better place for them. But will it be? Will they have to worry about being arrested for saying the wrong thing?

Ok, even of my brain farts. I got a paper to write.

 

Subject: After midnight.

Security:private
Time: 2003 Mar 08 00:08:00
I got an Etrex Vista GPS. I like knowing where I am and this little baby tells me to within 15 feet. It’s like I email my goodfriend throwingstardna or tangledweave my map coordinates and they can like lob a 10 megaton bomb on me. Trash Charlottesville. I can’t wait to hit the Appalacian trail in the morning with my hiking club and think about all the damage a 10 megaton bomb can do.

I have not eaten any meat since Tuesday (in fact I haven’t eaten much of anything since Tuesday). Today I ate coleslaw, egg salad sandwich, some mushrooms, and rice. I also had a protein shake. Earlier I had gone to the gym ran 3.5 miles, lifted weights, etc, etc.

This reminds me of the first time I was in Ireland. I was there for 30 days visiting my mother and father in law. I had promised the priest that conducted our my wife and mine wedding ceremony to do this special thing once I got to Ireland. So…I did do some personal time and completed the Loch Derg pilgrimage. It’s a place in County Donegal. An island in the middle of a lake is the site of the pilgrimage. It was raining and freezing. You walk around a church barefooted. Lots of rocks strewn the area. And it required a 3 day fast. The monks there supervised your every moment. You were not allowed to sleep either. The last night of the pilgrimage, they allowed you a four hour nap. Finally, one could only drink water. Once a day they allowed you to drink coffee or black tea. You can also have toasted bread. By the end of the pilgrimage, I was totally in a different state of mind. Totally in a different world.

This current diet of mine lacking meat reminds me of that. I am no small dude, work out a lot and my body is screaming for food. However, the nature of this Catholic religous fast is to rein in a body out of control.

I am glad I did not give up my beer. This would be total punishment.

b.

 

Subject: Antenna

Time: 2003 Mar 06 14:21:00
f

 

Subject: Got up Late this Morning

Time: 2003 Mar 06 11:03:00
Music: The sound of my kitty (Ms. Holly) meowing at me!
After Iraq, then the war protestors.

 

Subject: Lunch

Time: 2003 Mar 05 13:53:00
f

 

Subject: Lent Begins.

Time: 2003 Mar 05 00:36:00
Back to work today. It sucked. Not that anything bad happened. It just sucks. I felt like being some where else. I wish I had cool people to work with. People with values and love of life. Joie de vivre. Whoops, I used french, and France is our enemy. Not mine, at least. I guess I have an issue with the chaos in the world. I see we are the cause of the chaos. So much uncertainty. So much doubt. And it’s all our fault. A nation such as ours, blessed by God, and we waste the blessings on bullshit stuff like war. Yesterday, I was thinking how much it would cost our country to totally socialize medicine (based on the German system) and provide every living soul in America free health care. It actually doesn’t cost alot. It is quite cheap compared to how much a cr u is e m is s i le costs.

I don’t like taxes anymore than the next person. But to wantonly stop taxes for political favor is just plain stupid. Isn’t it? How can we pay for the services we require, if we don’t collect taxes. We are getting hosed. The economy based on the republican plan will only cause further ruin. I thought we were doing so well with the democrats.

What happened? Is it me or is something very wrong in America? Is it me or are we heading down the path where the angels fear to tread? I remember in school there was a group of bullies that I absoluted despised. They were mean. Are we being mean now to our very allies? As you know mean people suck.

We have chosen a path of darkness.

I remember what Yoda said to the young Anakin: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering, suffering leads to death.

Please tell me I am not crazy for thinking this way. We gotta wake up. We are in danger of ruin with our pejorative attitude towards the world.

 

Subject: Quizilla is cool.

Security:private
Time: 2003 Mar 04 18:43:00
You come from the Ocean. You’ve always been drawn
to the sea, the sound of the waves, the crystal
blue water, near the sea is where you belong.

Green – You believe that small economic units
should control the goods, and that the
government should be permissive of
“victimless crimes,” respectful of
civil liberties and very strict towards big
business. You also believe in either a
socialist tax structure or more power to local
communities. You think that environmental
policies should be written into law. Your
historical role model is Ralf Nader.

Which political sterotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

 

Subject: Gym

Time: 2003 Mar 04 17:56:00
Went to the gym this afternoon. Had a nice workout. I like working out. When the snow on the ground gets off the sidewalks, I’ll start running outside. I don’t like running on the road. Too much chance of getting hit by a car.

 

Subject: I love Wal-Mart and Conservatism

Time: 2003 Mar 04 14:03:00
Toaster oven died
this morning.

Sparks flew.
Ozone filled the air.

Anyway made a trip to Wal-Mart to get a new toaster oven. Ended up buying The Ring and The Snow Queen. The Snow Queen is a Hallmark fantasy film. Bought me some hiking clothes: lycra, polyester stuff. It keeps water wicked away from the skin. Got a pair of cool spandex/lycra blended underwear. Feels good when you wear them and looks nice as well. My wife got a couple of things. She got the toaster oven and some bras.

Now for conservatism. I am 40. I don’t look 40. I sure as the hell don’t act like what I think 40 year old males should be acting like. My wife made a comment that is kind of true (ok, maybe more than kind of true). She stated that I am getting to be like my parents. Fear and dread filled my mind. What was I doing that made her think I was like my parents. Both of whom are in their 70s. It was recycling. I like to recycle. Almost everything is recyclable. To include used Ziploc bags. She finds that really odd. So in that regard I am conservative. Conserving our worlds resources is a theme in my life. I cannot stand to throw perfectly good empty bottles away; even if they are going to the recycling center. Because you know they are just going to crush them anyway.

Oh well.

b.

 

Subject: Today I have arrived!!

Time: 2003 Mar 03 17:06:00
Thanks to throwingstardna, I am now a LiveJournal user.

There were a couple of super LiveJournals that really impressed me: throwingstardna’s and tangledweave’s LiveJournal was so down to earth, raw, open, and honest.

I found myself thinking, “I gotta do this thing.” throwingstardna provided me the code to get on board. For that, I consider him a really special guy. I guess he is my daddy now!

Thanks throwingstardna.

As I post, you’ll get to know me. I chose my names to be Epikeia and Bobcat. Epikeia: because no one is above the law, and no one is below the law. Justice and mercy are more important than laws. Bobcat: because I am a totally wild and unfettered animal.

See ya.

About Brian O'Rourke

This website details my journey through life. It's also a repository for my pictures and documents I tend to collect. Check out the "About Me" for more information. Thanks, have a good day.
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